Merry Christmas–let’s update Santa

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santa.jpgSo Christmas time is here and you’re either happily enjoying the season (if you got your gifts online and early), or panicking because you’re out of time to get that perfect gift for someone you care about. Either way you have probably seen your fair share of holiday decorations and noticed the same thing that I have when it comes to this season: our decorations are stuck in 1906. The most notable of this is our old pal Santa Claus. I like to think of Santa Claus as the spokesman for Christmas, yet for some reason we haven’t bothered to update his image in a hundred years.

Go back into your head and look how you see the big man. He is sitting in his shop with hundreds of elves around making toy horses and trains out of wood and glue. He puts on his big red robe and red felt pants and jumps in a sleigh pulled by magic reindeer. This is the image we all know and the one that we all see plastered on posters and other decorations all over the world during Christmas. But lets get serious for a moment. When was the last time anyone told you they wanted Santa to bring them a wooden toy train for Christmas? Today the toys are more advanced and Santa has had to update in order to stay with these changing times.

First let’s start with the elves. As we all know, elves are smart and very dedicated to their jobs. Clearly, Santa has found some quality workers in his short friends. However, these aren’t your ordinary woodworking elves anymore. Today, our elvish friends needs at least 6 years of engineering school just to step foot on Santa’s workshop floor. That old workshop wasn’t cutting it either. Back in 1998 Santa upgraded to much larger building including room for his marketing, ordering (Santa is actually the largest buyer on both Amazon and eBay), and accounting departments. And finally while Santa does still use the old sleigh and reindeer to get around he has had GPS, XM satellite radio, and and iPod dock installed.
Even though Santa has upgraded, our idea of him has not. So I decided to take manners into my own hands with this:

’twas the night b4 Xmas

’twas the night b4 Xmas
and the house was alive
’cause no one goes to bed
till a quarter to five

The children were playing back in their rooms
playing xbox 360 with shots, bangs, and booms
and mom on her blackberry and I on my mac
sat down to blog about our new tie rack

When from my speakers there arose a quick bleep
an email from Santa saying:
“I’m omw. See u soon lol.”

… I’d finish the rest of this but I think it’s getting too long, and really, you’ve spent enough time on this already, so…

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Kris

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