What it takes to be a coach
Do you think you have what it takes to be a coach? It shouldn’t be too difficult, based on something Charles Barkley once said when he was coaching a charity basketball game: “If we win, I’m going to take the credit. If we lose, I’m going to blame my players.”
Who wouldn’t want that job?
All kidding around aside, to coach a team is a challenging task that takes a lot of patience, cunning, and charisma. If you are up to the challenge, here are a few tools that can help you do your job.
Unfortunately, the coach doesn’t get to use the whistle during games, but it is certainly needed during practices. When you want to get your players to run some drills or to scrimmage, you need a whistle to let them know when to go, when to stop, and when you are really mad.
The Acme Referee Coach Whistle is perfectly capable of communicating all of the above.
Coaches rely heavily on their playbooks. They spend sleepless nights tossing and turning, unable to relax because all they can think about is their sport – whichever one it may be – and then jot down the formulations they come up with. No wonder Coach Klein, from The Waterboy, went bonkers after his infamous green playbook was taken away.
If Coach Klein had a football wrist coach, there’s no way his adversary could have taken it from him. He could have wrapped the wrist coach around his arm and had all his plays right there, safe and secure.
To be a couch, you also need to memorize a list of standard post game answers, such as:
“We fought really hard, I’m proud of my guys.”
“It was a great game, they just had the edge tonight.”
“I felt like we weren’t getting some of the calls we deserved.”
Or (if you’re Charles Barkley),
“It was because of my players.”
Written by Jasper Plankintosh